The steak can wait for dinner

Last treatment of R-CHOP complete. Took a nice Benadryl induced nap in the chair and now its time to go home and fire up the grill for a celebratory steak. I think this is the best I've felt post treatment actually. Normally I go home and pass out. Maybe this time I'll be awake when the side effects kick in. Beautiful day out, I even kind of want to go ride my bike but I have this suspicion that I won't feel this well for long. We'll see

And then I pee red, should I post a picture of that? Just kidding

It's 1am. Sending off a work email and going to bed. Have to be up at like 5:30/6 o'clock to head into the city. You know what it's like driving into the city in the morning, you either fly in or you miss your window and get nailed by traffic.

I see the dr at 8 and then go for my last R-CHOP! I didn't realize how big of a milestone this is to me until today. The anxiety's starting to kick in a little bit, but I know what to expect... I'm just really not looking forward to going through it. The whole thing's getting old and up until now I've gone in for chemo feeling healthy, this time my allergies are acting up so my sinuses hurt and I'm already tired. I have a feeling this is going to be a bad one but Mike invited me to yoga on Saturday so I'm going to focus on that and hope that having something to look forward helps me rebound quickly.

Just had a nice dinner and some good laughs with some good friends. Can't think of a better way to spend the night before treatment. Totally took my mind off things.

It's interesting to me how being around friends gives me energy. Up until the moment i see them I'll be dreading the whole thing and just wish I was at home by myself and then its like a flip of a switch. There was last nights board meeting, today's lunch, and tonight's dinner. I've been really tired the last 48 hours, and all I've wanted to do is rest, but I get a boost when I'm out and around people. I just don't know if I'm pushing my body too hard because when I come home I crash. They say exercising and trying to live a normal life is good though. They encourage it, as long as I don't put myself in any situations where I can get sick.

What i really appreciate is when people make it easy to see them. Like lunch today. I was going to be in the city so my friends came and met me for lunch after.

There are still a lot of people I haven't seen in a while that I'd love to hang out with.

Trying to organize things stresses me out. I'm so indecisive these days I couldn't even decide what I wanted on my pizza today. It's kind of that I just don't care, its such a small thing that I don't want to bother thinking about it because when I start thinking about it I make it so complicated in my head. I start thinking about what other people would want, stressing over giving the "correct" answer to what I want on my pizza. Put some pizza in front of me and I'll eat it. I catch myself worrying about such stupid things these days. A lot of the time its about making other people happy. If there were ever a time to just worry about what I want it'd now.

Alright, I think I'm rambling on about nothing. I'm going to bed. Goodnight.

I went to yoga last Wednesday night. It was for cancer patients so it was very basic. Some poses, some breathing exercises, some chanting. I haven't been able to quiet my mind that much in years. I felt great, slept great, woke up feeling great. (note to self, "great" isn't very descriptive). But that peace didn't last. Actually I kind of bounced to the other side, felt more anxious.

The reason I'm thinking of this is I just let my Dad get under my skin and work me up which can be as exhausting as anything physical. Even when I'm mentally prepared to talk to him he knows the buttons to push.

Guess I'll take a zofran, meant for real serious nausea but its helped for headache/queeziness in the past

They don't have me in the system for my WBC count, I think this happened last time too. I hope they sort this out fast so I can get the blood taken, get my temp checked and, assuming it's alright, meet Sarah and Sarah for lunch.

I guess I'll try drinking some coffee. I have to go to the city to get my wbc count anyway, I'll go a little early and have them take my temp.

Thats supposed to be a picture of a thermometer that no matter how hard I try I can't read, not sure why its not showing up.

It's 8:30 and I just got out of bed so I guess that counts as sleeping in. I was going to give myself until 9:30 but I've been tossing and turning for a while now so I got out of bed. It's a beautiful day and I'm feeling more positive than I was yesterday but I do have a headache... and now I'm starting to think my head feels warm and my face is red. I was going to see if a cup of coffee killed my headache before I checked to see if I have a fever but I've changed my mind, just have to find the thermometer first.