It's taken a while, but now that I finally feel like myself its time to drag my body out of this rut I've been in and try to enjoy the next few days before I go back in for another treatment.
Going to the GI today at 3:45 for bleeding I'm still having. I called twice and left messages about my situation and my need to see the dr but Mom knows how to get stuff done. They called me back 20 minutes after speaking to her and made an appointment for me.
So, I havent written any blog posts lately, mostly because I've been pretty down. No comments please, they'll only compound the problem. Besides my physical issues my mentality has definitely been very negative. I havent wanted to speak to or see people. Yesterday may be the first time I laughed all week. (i was hanging out at Dads with Em watching Walk the Line which I've had confused with Walk Hard.) I've had enough of this. Going to the hospital Saturday really pissed me off. I'm sick of the needles. I'm sick of being sick. This whole thing sucks and I have to go back through it all again on Thursday. I'd say I've developed a chemo phobia after last time.
The clean PET really felt like the end of the road. It sucks that the tougher chemo is coming now. Doing the ICE knowing my PET was clean feels counterintuitive and makes me want to resist which just makes the whole thing harder.
I guess it's a relief to get these feelings out there and stop bottling them up. Maybe my intestines will stop bleeding now.
Going to the GI today at 3:45 for bleeding I'm still having. I called twice and left messages about my situation and my need to see the dr but Mom knows how to get stuff done. They called me back 20 minutes after speaking to her and made an appointment for me.
So, I havent written any blog posts lately, mostly because I've been pretty down. No comments please, they'll only compound the problem. Besides my physical issues my mentality has definitely been very negative. I havent wanted to speak to or see people. Yesterday may be the first time I laughed all week. (i was hanging out at Dads with Em watching Walk the Line which I've had confused with Walk Hard.) I've had enough of this. Going to the hospital Saturday really pissed me off. I'm sick of the needles. I'm sick of being sick. This whole thing sucks and I have to go back through it all again on Thursday. I'd say I've developed a chemo phobia after last time.
The clean PET really felt like the end of the road. It sucks that the tougher chemo is coming now. Doing the ICE knowing my PET was clean feels counterintuitive and makes me want to resist which just makes the whole thing harder.
I guess it's a relief to get these feelings out there and stop bottling them up. Maybe my intestines will stop bleeding now.
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